1 – You settle immediately. Anyone will do. Anyone. This includes the guy wearing a sweater in July, the dude with who never showers, the man who constantly interrupts you, or the well-known drug addict around your neighborhood. If everyone is good enough for you, you clearly have no standards. Work on that.

2 – You constantly check your online dating profile. If you’re trying online dating, it’s always refresh, refresh, refresh. The refresh button is your best friend. It’s like looking in the fridge for food — you know there’s nothing there, but you keep opening it hoping something will appear. Your profile is the same thing. Even when you get a reply from someone, you jump down their throat with a barrage of eerily intimate questions. Get to know the person first.

3 – You have no concept of proper communication etiquette. You just went on the first date and he says he’ll call you. A day passes and no word from him? No biggie, just call him multiple times! I’m sure he’ll get the message … yep, he’ll get the message and block your crazy ass ASAP. Your overzealous ways are not only a turn-off, but a huge warning sign that you’re a clinger. Do you even know his last name? Then you shouldn’t even be calling him, especially not more than once. Even when he doesn’t answer, you think his phone just didn’t ring or he didn’t hear it. So, why not send him a bunch of texts in a row, too? That’ll work … yes, that will definitely work .

4 – You discuss taking him to meet your parents. Since the first date went so well, he must be the one. Your parents will be thrilled when you bring over your new beau, as he answers their questions with utmost certainty: “Yes, we literally JUST had our first date yesterday but I’m really only here for the food and beer.” Obviously, the only way you’ll get him to your parents’ house is by drugging him because no guy in his right mind would accept that invite.

5 – You purposely leave an article of clothing at his house. By doing this, it’s pretty much guaranteed he will have to speak to you. “I left my favorite bra and panty combo at your apartment. Mind if I swing by and then we can go to the movies, out to dinner, or spend the rest of our lives together?” If this guy is smart, he’ll block your number as soon as he realizes the crazy lady he slept with purposely left her clothing on his floor. Hopefully you don’t miss those pieces of your wardrobe too much.

6 – You stalk him on social media. When he doesn’t answer his texts or calls, you get on your computer and search for his social media profiles (which you probably did right after meeting him anyway). Facebook, Instagram, Twitter … it definitely doesn’t end there. You leave wall posts, comments, like every picture he’s ever posted and every tweet he’s ever made. I mean, what’s more insane than that?! And if he blocks you, you make a new account and message him repeatedly. It’s scary behavior and you’re bordering on real stalking here. Get your sh*t together and realize he is not about that life, girl.

7 – You talk about marriage after (or during) your first date. This guy asked you out to a nice dinner so naturally, he wants to marry you. While he’s cutting into his rib-eye, you figure the best way to bring it up is to spring it on him. You take a big gulp of your wine and blurt it right out: “How do you feel about marriage?” Before he can answer, you pull up your Pinterest account and start talking incessantly about your ideal wedding ring, dress, theme, table arrangements, and how great he’ll look in a tuxedo. He is sure to follow that with a “CHECK, PLEASE!”

8 – You allow him to treat you like sh*t. Let’s say you make it past the dating stage and start a relationship. Things are good for a little bit until his true personality comes through — he’s rude, mean, arrogant, and most importantly, treats you poorly. Rather than get out of that shitty relationship, you decide to stay, thinking he loves you (or has the potential to). You don’t want to give up on finding love, right? Just because he’s convenient does not mean you should tolerate bad behavior or abuse! Having a relationship is pointless if you’re forcing happiness.

9 – You confuse intimacy with love. OK, maybe he insinuated that he liked you, so you had s*x with him. Nothing wrong with that … until he doesn’t respond to your attempts to contact him or blatantly tells you he isn’t interested. Yes, it’s a d*ck move to lie to a woman just to sleep with her, but it happens. Or, maybe he told you beforehand that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but you convinced yourself he might have feelings for you anyway. Not playing the blame game here, but either way, blowing up his phone, stalking, or showing signs of desperation is NOT a good choice. Just … no.